Sad child
by feathered moon wings
Summary: Everyone thought that when Kili was little he had been the most merry of childs. Well how could they not think that? The trude is he hadn't been a happy child. Thorin and Fili just couldn't undertend way... but at the same time... the reason was obvious... How could it be that... he didn't play, he didn't smile and he never ever laughed. How they wished the could make him laugh...
1. The day he was born

Kili.

In his early years he had never been a happy child; he didn't joke, he didn't play and never ever de he laugh.

No one in his or her right mind would ever dare to think that he hadn't been joyous child, how could they anyway? Anyone who knew the dwarf could only picture someone youthful, merry and full of life.

The trued was he had been a peaceful and silent child… well no… peaceful is not quite the right word to use… I would rather describe the little dwarfeling as sad; always staying in one place, staring at the woods but at nothing at the same time.

His uncle, mighty warrior and rightful heir of Erebor, was Thorin Oakenshield.

When his eldest nephew, Fili, was born he had been full of hope, believing the small creature to be a good sign in their wandering days on their search for a home. He had smiled at his sister and her husband, what a beautiful and golden light had they brought to the earth, he had smiled like he hadn't in a long time.

But when Kili was born… oh, when he was born Thorin had been sure he(Thorin) would fall apart to never again rise from the dirty ground.

The day the boy had been born the head of Thorins grandfather had roll to his feet, his brothers body had been mutilated in front of his eyes, his sister husband had gone pale in his bloody arms and his sister… oh his dear sister… she gave birth to a premature baby.

The battle had just ended; the air was perfumed with metal, flesh and blood… his blood. His brothers… they had all been lying amongst the bodies of filthy orcs… all death; open eyes, _breathless_.

An old dwarf woman came to his side, bloodied as he had been; she came to his side and told him "My prin… my king… Your sister Dis, she is death"

Death? Dis? _Death._

Like a puppet he followed the woman, expressionless, unbelieving… _all alone._

When they arrived to the shelters, far away form the battlefield, it was not better than the place he had came from; on the contrary, while there in the boody field it had been silent and grieving here he air was in pain, tears, hopelessness…

They entered a lonely and forgotten room at the end of the shelters, a place where you could not hear the cries of the widows nor her pleas for the wounded. Without a word the dwarf woman stepped aside to let him in.

Everything was so silent, so _cold…_But there she was, there she was his dear and beautiful sister, lying peacefully in a bunch of _red_ blankets in the floor.

She was pale, _bloodied_, death… no… she was just peacefully _sleeping_. Oh, Thorin thought he hadn't seen his sister this peaceful in a long time, even if all her face and clothes where covered in blood and sweat _her blood_… But he just could not bring himself to smile at her peacefulness. He stared… sad.

"What is this?" He had asked to nobody, after some long time of looking at her fair face.

Beside her sisters frame, cuddled in the safety of her cold arm was a… bundle of blankets? He took a few steps close to find out that bundle was not just made of blankets.

Wrapped inside was… a baby.

The crack of his heart broke a little bit more, if that was even possible; he could almost feel tears peeking on his eyes as he knelled beside the lying woman.

"Poor unfortunate baby…" He had said "You came to this world _death_ as your mother" The bitterness in his voice was like poison to the wind "Never once where you able to open your eyes to look at the darkness of a cave or the brightness of the sun" He stoked the soft black and wavy hair form his little head with a carefulness he did not knew he possessed. Oh, how tiny he was, never had he seen a smaller baby in his life… or a smaller corpse… "But do not worry little one..." He assured, trying to fight back his damned tears "It is better this way… you wont have to suffer the cruelness of this ill world… and you will be able to accompany my dear Dis to the other side" He kept gently stroking his forehead, just his thumb was enough… But oh, how very cold his soft skin was… so unlike his; hard and raspy, witness of war and battle.

Brown honey…

That was all the could think about in that dreadful moment. Brown honey.

How had this happen? How _could_ this have happen? To him of all persons… Is just that… He just assumed right away that… He hadn't been moving or or… crying… He hadn't seen him _breath_. No, no, he had jut assumed the little frail baby was _death. _

How could he have…?

_Brown honey._

Big bright brown honey eyes had suddenly opened, just staring at the big dwarf that had his thumb frozen over his forehead.

"Little one…" His trembling voice he could not control anymore. How had he dared to assume his sisters' son was death? How had he _dared_? "Forgive me… please… forgive me, I beg you little one…" He took the little bundle of blankets in his strong arms and stood up. Big owl eyes looking back at his blue stormy ones.

Thorin could handle it no more…

A stream of fair crystals had begun to fall from his eyes, flowing like a river that no one dared to stop.

"Why do you not cry little one?" He asked with quivering voice, rocking the frail thing with the love of a mother "Is it that we have already done too much of it? Is it that we have mourned _too _much?"

He just stared; he didn't move, didn't cry, just… stared…

The pale babe was so cold, so silent.

Just like the corpses outside…

"Come… I know something that may cheer you up" He told the toddler with a teary smile "We are going to meet your big brother… Kili"

The day Kili was born Thorin had cried for the lost of his family, he had cried for the death ones, he had cried for his lost home, he had cried for the parentless child in his arms. The day Kili was born he had cried like he hadn't in a long time.

**Abril: Hi there! Well this is my first fic of the hobbit, it is a bit sad but… oh well n.n This is just the first chapter so… you just wait for the next ones to come hehe **

**I really hope you liked this little story (: If you wanna review, please be my guests. **

**Most importantly of all I apologise for my lack of grammar and spelling… It's just that my mother language is not English? **

**Bye, bye!**

**P.S. If I have time later, I'll read it again to check obvious mistakes okay?**

**P.P.S. Thank to "StormWarning27" for letting me use her idea of the death of everyone in the birth of Kili. She has this awesome story that you should definitely read it *o* it's called "Light and life"**


	2. Children must laugh Why does he not?

**Abril: I suppose Fili will be 5 and Kili will be 1. On with it!**

Motionless…

Static…

Silent…

Wild open eyes…

_Cold as death…_

That is how Thorin used to describe little Kili. No, of course he would never dare to say it out loud, for the sake of poor Fili. Oh, poor Fili, so young but carrying the same sorrows as him; that fear when they looked at Kili at nights, that fear of wondering… wondering if little Kili was still alive.

Was he? Was he alive…? _dead_…? maybe just sleeping…

He never said a thing, he never moved, just stared. The slow and soft rising and falling of his tiny chest was the only clue they had to know he was still alive.

Almost every night, Thorin would wake up in the darkness and silence of their home in the Blue Mountains. At the middle of the night he would walk soundlessly as a shadow and look over the crib where a baby would be laying. His mind, filed with nightmares and dreadful memories, would torment him, making him fearful to touch the child just to find out that what he most feared was true; but he released a heavy sigh when he touched his nephews' chest.

It was rising and falling… _rising and falling._

He would then return to his room, hoping to get at least a small amount of peaceful sleep before more murky nightmares and thoughts would wake him.

Thorin Oakenshield still remembered… oh so clearly, almost every sorrowful moment they spent with the sad child…

"Uncle Thorin"

"Yes, Fili?"

"Is something wrong with Kili?"

He looked at the one in his arms and then across the table where an innocent blond sat in a chair. He knew what his eldest nephew really meant; it wasn't something wrong at the moment but _something _wrong with Kili himself.

"I think yes…" Thorin was a lot of things, but a liar he was not; he would never dare to tell his nephews a lie; he had enough of those he knew how _dangerous_ the really were. No, he would never lie to them; so the truth he would always say, even if it was not the best.

"What is wrong with him?"

"I don't know Fili, I really do not know." They started to eat again, silence ruling over the small dining room.

"Uncle Thorin"

"Yes, Fili?" He asked with everlasting patience.

"When I was little… littler, did I laugh?"

"Yes Fili, always," the elder answered with a sad smile. "You where always giggling to everything you sow and everything we did, rolling over everywhere when you still did not know how to walk."

There it was again… the silence.

"Uncle Thorin…?"

"Yes, Fili…"

"… Why doesn't Kili laugh?"

He looked across the table again, sorrowful at the painful innocence of the young one.

"I do not know," he admitted sadly, looking down at the staring baby in his arms; if he didn't know better, he would have thought he was death. He stroked his shiny, black, wavy locks with sad love.

"Is it normal that he doesn't laugh?"

"No…"

"The why doesn't he laugh?!" He finally snapped a little louder, tears at the edge of his eyes "Everyone does!"

"I know…" he whispered.

"He must laugh uncle! All dwarves laugh! Children must laugh! They must laugh and play and move and and a-and smile and cry and… and…" His tears broke free, streaming down his rosy cheeks.

"Fili!" Thorin swiftly stood of his place and faster than a blink he was on his knees stroking Filis face with one hand, keeping Kili safe with the other one. "Don't cry Fili, shush," he murmured kindly, cleaning his face "Do you remember when you mother told you about that dwarf that had an accident with an axe?"

"Ye-yes…You where friends with him. On-one d-d-day he had a fight with an o-orc and a a piece of axe went stuck into his he-head and af-after he could no lo-longer speak right, just with grunts and gestures.

"Yes, that is it," he said stoking his golden locks. Alue saved him if any of the dwarves saw his soft side "You see, he had something _wrong _but that didn't make him different from any of us. His brother still loved him as much as we-"

"I-I-I love Kili uncle!"

"Yes, Fili. I know you do."

"It's just…" He looked at his tiny feet. "I want to see Kili happy… I want him to _be _happy."

"I want it too Fili. I too want to see him moving, playing and laughing… we just… don't know how to do it yet."

"Will we ever be able?"

"I hope so." Thorin smiled slightly as his eldest nephew wiped the rest of his tears.

"Can… can I carry him uncle Thorin?"

His blue stormy eyes went wild open. This was definitely new, Fili had never asked for such a thing. He suddenly felt a bit more over protective (If that was even possible) of the baby in his arms.

"I have told you already Fili, your brother is very weak, he is tiny even for a baby and..."

"I know uncle," he interrupted politely. "He is a premature baby and therefore was born smaller with weakness in the body… it will be a miracle if he ever manages to walk…"

"Hmm… I couldn't have said it better," he admitted sadly. Their blue eyes where locked in a silent conversation, understanding.

"I won't let him fall uncle…" he giggled. "I wouldn't _dare _to ever let him fall…"

"I know…" The blond dwarfeling stood up and stretched his hands. Doubtful, more about himself than of his nephew, he placed the small babe in his brother's arms.

"Hello Kili," He greeted him, the tears still notable in his voice. "I know you're not quite right, but I'll make it better," promised the small child. "I will make you laugh, I will teach you to be naughty, to play and most of all to smile; I really don't know how I will do it but I will… I will make you laugh and smile little brother… Kili." He started crying once again, a happy-sad smile over his little lips.

"Fili…" Thorin rested his big hand over his shoulder; never had he been more proud of the blond than that day "You will be the best brother… I can assure you that."

"Thanks uncle. You are the best too, I could not ask for more." He smiled at him with twin rivers over his cheeks.

**Abril: It's really not the best I've done, I most admit… but… I donno, inspiration abandoned me hehe.**

**I really, REALLY thank you all for your reviews, follows and favourites; it means the world to me n.n**

**Also, thanks to Estoma who convinced me to have a beta and being my beta hehe. I really really appreciate what she did (:**

**Hope you liked the chapter! Adios, adios.**


	3. Adapting

**Abril: I use **_**italics **_**to represent past and thoughts. The people that gossip are like **_**this.**_

**Fili is 9 and Kili 4.**

Adapt.

That is what every living creature does when something foreign, unknown or strange comes their way. It may be a new place to live in, some kind of extreme weather, a problem, a situation or maybe just someone new. Whichever the reason is, every living thing adapted at some point of their life. And if they did not… well… they will obviously die… or live unhappily forever. Something along those lines.

Many years had passed, well… not too many really, but the changes in the boys where quite notable so it felt like many more years. Although it was all the same; Thorin Oakenshield worked hard in order to give his nephews and himself what he though a decent life was, he worked oh so hard _every _single day of his life. Also he took good care of Kili and Fili, being the teacher for almost everything they had to learn.

And as I said earlier, every living creature adapts. With time, Thorin and Fili adapted to their youngster, accepting the fact that they could not change him; Kili was who he was, a motionless and calm child with big, sad eyes. It had broken the blonde's heart and secretly his uncle's that he had never once managed to get a smile out of Kili. Though Fili never lost hope, he kept trying even if deep down knew it was useless.

"_You must laugh Kili, it's funny," _he often said with a fake smile in his tiny lips.

That was the saddest of it all… Thorin and Fili could never bring themselves to truly smile at the dwarfling. They did, as much as they could, but it was never true, never honest. How could they manage it anyway? The little one only reminded them of what they once had; of the pain of that fateful day; of the circumstances in which he was the day he was born; but most of all… he reminded them how un-lively he was, almost as a dead child.

Now that I remember… that was another issue. If you would let me, I would like to resume the previous topic. You see, Thorin and Fili where much used to their little one and his silent ways, they already where _adapted_ to the motionless child. But that didn't meant that others where. 

The dwarves of the Blue Mountains and the few humans that crossed those paths, often gossiped as politely as they could of the nephew of Oakenshield. When they saw the child, thinking no one would hear their whisperers between one another, they talked about a lifeless boy; a walking corpse which was said had been possessed by death itself in the dreadful day of his birth.

As there was no one to look after his two little nephews in the house (At least no one that Thorin trusted enough), he was used to bring them to the forge with him. The two dwarflings could be anywhere near the forge but inside it 'Too dangerous for children' everyone said.

"Do you remember the things I asked you to buy?" Questioned Thorin, rising his all mighty eyebrow.

"Yes, uncle," he answered with a smile, rolling his eyes in amusement "I think I can manage to remember a few things."

"Yes, I believe you can." answered the dwarf prince with the smallest of laughs. "Go for your brother Fili. And take good care of him."

"Always uncle," he assured Thorin turning to leave the entrance of the forge, leaving the elder to continue his work. "Kili?" Called the boy when he was outside "Where are you Kili?" And as he turned the corner he found his little brother where he last left him, sitting in the bench at the back of the forge.

"I'm here Fili," answered the child with a monotonous voice.

"Yes, here you are," He repeated with a soft smile "Come on. We are going to buy some things at the market for dinner."

"All right." And holding hands, they headed to the dwarf-market.

You could find any sort of thing there; from big axes of delicate patterns made by the ones of the Blue Mountains to fine swords brought from Gondor. Every kind of weapon one could imagine! If you where lucky enough, you could even find bows. But of course, there where also lots of food. And ale, ale of every flavour! From the most bitter to the most sweet.

But anyway, little dwaflings where not allowed to anything of that sort. Though Fili was really anxious to have his own axe but was hiding it rather well. Alue save him if Thorin discovered his nephew was thinking of weapons again.

"_You can not think of weapons at your age Fili!" _

"_And why not? One of the must important things of a dwarf is his weapon. And you make weapons everyday uncle!"_

"_First of all, where did you got the sudden idea that the weapon of a dwarf is his most important thing? That is the most foolish thing I have ever heard!"_

"_But uncle!"_

"_I am not finished Fili! Weapons are a serious business and I do not want you to fill your head with thoughts of war so early in your life! I am I clear?"_

"_But…!"_

"_Am I clear __Fili__?!"_

"…_yes uncle."_

The discussion had been much worse, but he didn't really want to remember. No, never again was he going to speak of his desire for an axe or any weapon of any sort… well… not now at least. So he stared at the beautiful tools silently, careful of not letting go of his little brother.

"Fili you're deviating again," said Kili in his high voice, not impressed about the happening.

"Oh… yes. Sorry Kili," he apologised. Sometimes it was still shocking the way the younger talked, almost like an adult of a very vast vocabulary. Since his first words, Kili had only said what was necessary; nothing more and nothing less. This made him a child of little words.

"Here you go dear," said the kind dwarf-woman with a warm smile once they where finished with every product "Now, go to you uncle and do not lose your way."

"Of course," smiled the blond happily. The two of them came so often to buy things that they where already well known to the lady. "Have a nice day Miss. Adi."

"You too children."

They made their way down the market; Fili enjoying the sounds of the rushing dwarfs and men while Kili looked straight ahead, not impressed by anyone or anything.

But between all the things that the blond heard, there was something not quite right. Something just wasn't fitting amongst the messy place. But then he heard it…

"_Those are Oakenshield's nephews.__"_

They where talking about them. They where gossiping.

"_That one is the dead child.__"_

No. They weren't talking about _them_, they were talking about _Kili_.

"Don't listen to them Kili," whispered his brother, tightening his grip on the small hand. But once they started, there was no stopping it.

"_I heard he has no soul.__"_

"_Really?__"_

"_Aye, something like an empty shell.__"_

"Don't pay them attention bother," said the blue-eyed child again, hastening their peace amongst the crowd.

"_He looks like a puppet to me. Do you not agree?__"_

"_Why won't they stop?" _Thought Fili desperately.

"_Just look at those big eyes!__"_

They whispered more and more.

"_They are so sad and empty…__"_

"_Just stop it!"_

"_Dead child…__"_

"They are just being silly, they don't know what they're talking about."He reassured his little brother over and over again, but what he didn't know was that Kili didn't need to be reassured, he was perfectly fine actually. Fili was in fact trying to keep himself sane in the face of all the blasted people who just wouldn't stop, but his mind told him Kili needed his kind words.

He felt hot water threatening to escape his eyes. And he could take it no more, he started running far away from the gossiping people, far away form the market. All he wanted was the comfort of the strong arms of his uncle.

"_Why do I want to cry?" _He asked himself, at the verge of tears _"I'm not the one who they are talking about. I most be strong, for Kili"_

Just a few more minutes and they would finally arrive to the forge.

"Fili," called the little one, "you're hurting me." He said it as a matter of fact, ignoring completely the streaming face of his brother.

When Fili looked down to their locked hands he gasped at the realisation of how much pressure he was using; the little hand almost completely white.

"Sorry, sorry!" He let go as fast as a lightening.

"It's all right," he assured blankly, opening and closing his hand to make the feeling return to his fingers "You're crying," he stated. "I didn't watch you fall or anything." Kili had learned over the years that people seemed to drip when they got hurt, which usually implied blood or scratches. He remembered once he had fall from some long stairs.

_It had been a long fall, anyone could clearly see that. His whole body hurt, that was for sure, he sworn he heard something crack too, there was no doubt. _

_He had seen people get seriously hurt, screaming in pain as their bodies bled out, their faces contracting in horrible expressions. But he found it useless really, why make so much noise? Never had he cried in pain at times like this, he just couldn't understand it._

"_My eyes… they are wet…" he said puzzled, lying on the floor, unable to move. "It's strange… I have to ask uncle later." _

He lay down for the rest of the day until someone found him, it had all be an unnecessary disaster after that from his point of view. He had been walking a bit far from home and Thorin had just made a big mess of it all.

"He-hey" Fili said with a fake and sweet smile "Why don't you go sit at the back, I have to tell Thorin something. Okay? I'll explain to you later… ohm… there are different kinds of hurt…"

"Okay." And as simple as the answer, he turned his back and walked on his own.

"I'll be there in a minute."

Tlank! Tlank!

Up and down went the dwarves hammers.

Tlank! Tlank!

Striking hard over the forming metal.

Sweat ran down Thorin's brow, his muscles contracting for the force he applied.

Tlank! Tlank! Shssss!

Down to the water the burning metal went.

Tlank! Tlank! All over again.

"Uncle! Uncle!" Shouted a little voice.

"Fili?" Puzzled by the call, he turned his head just in time to see his eldest nephew running at him. Foretelling Fili's moves, he quickly let go of his hot and dangerous tools, just in time to catch a flying dwarfling in his arms "Fili!" Just about to unleash his wrath at the child for disobeying the constants _"Do not come into the forge when I am working; it is dangerous."_ He stopped in his tracks. The child that had just jumped over him was crying a whole river, his desperate face screaming for consolation. "Fili! Fili! What is wrong? Calm down child!" He pleaded, concerned.

"U-uncle," he choked on his words.

"Calm down and tell me what happened," he said softly but in his firm voice.

"We-we where walking in the ma-market to bu-buy the things you asked me f-for an-and in our w-way b-b-back they j-just wouldn't sh-shut up!"

"Who wouldn't shut up Fili? What where they saying?"

"Th-they where talking ab-about Ki-kili. They where calling him dead child!"

His eyes went wide open at his nephew's accusations, but he was not surprised. It was not new; he had heard it before many times and had to learn to keep himself from hitting every bastard who dared insult his beautiful nephew (He would never finish doing so if he couldn't control himself). Ignoring the other interested dwarves in the forge, he kept listening carefully to his sister's son, his son.

"Th-they called him it again and again and a lot of awful things uncle!"

"Where is Kili? Is he all right?" He asked, wanting to be sure before anything.

"Oh he is all right! I mean, he is COMPLETELY FINE! He didn't even say a thing about it! It was like he wasn't even aware that they where talking, just like a de…!" He stopped short and widened his eyes realising what he was going to say. He broke again in tears over his uncle shoulder "I'm awful uncle! I can't even keep myself from saying it!"

"There, there." he hummed softly, letting him cry freely.

"He-he's not a dead child," he defended, voice muffled by the cloths of Thorin "He is a completely normal kid and he has always been and will be."

The dwarf prince smiled amused."Yes. You are right."

"Yes I am." Fili said firmly.

"Yes you are," he assured, stoking his back in circles for a long while, ignoring his work completely, but the dwarves didn't mind; they knew him and some appreciated him very much.

"People are so stupid…" He said in a raspy voice, cleaning his eyes.

"Yes they sometimes are… But… your mother used to say that sometimes people said or do stupid things when they do not understand something… when they do not know. They say or do these things because they are afraid of the unknown,"

"I… I think I remember uncle," he said with wonder in his eyes at the fact that he remembered something of her.

"Forgive them Fili, they do not know what they are talking about,"

"…_they are just afraid honey. People can be afraid of what they do not know and do stupid things about it," she sighed. "I think we must pity them… because of their _ignorance_" Smiling softly she kissed his forehead._

"_All right momma."_

"Yes," Thorin said happily. "Although I not quite sure of the forgiving and pitying part," he said with a wicked smile.

"Uncle!" The dwarf prince just laughed "I got to go to Kili…" he declared after a few seconds "I told him I would explain him the different kinds of hurt…" Thorin looked at him curiously "He didn't understand." he said as if that would solve every thing. Which in fact it did; Kili had a sort of fame for not understanding the simplest of things. But anyway, once they where explained he thought them useless.

Putting him down, Thorin saw the blond leave as he continued his hard work.

Tlank! Tlank! Shssss!

**Abril: Well! I hoped you all liked it! Please tell me what you think ; I would love to know! Also, if any of you have some nice ideas for before the end I'd love to hear/see them! Because I think the end is coming too soon hehe.**

**I wanted so badly to answer every review but I didn't know what to say to the short ones! I'm so sorry but please know that I'm most grateful for all of them! And also ALL the ones who clicked 'Follow' and 'Favourite' you guys where SOOO many n.n I'd never had so much people liking a story of mine! Thank you very much to you all!**

**And thanks to my Beta Estoma for her wonderful help!**

**Also, here is a little extra about Fili trying to explain the deferent kinds of hurt.**

**Enjoy!**

"I'm back Kili," he said with a fake smile, still pretty shaken by the recent event.

The black haired child stared at the far away woods without acknowledging him "So… you want to know the different kinds of hurt?" He asked, knowing that the answer could be a cold no but also a yes.

"Yes I do. Explain." Kili said, finally looking at his brother.

"Right… ohm… Where to begin…? Well… Thorin already explained you that when you are hurt ph-physic –physic…

"Physically," corrected the youngest.

"Thank you, yes. Physically. As I was saying, when someone is hurt physically the body hurts a lot and we cry for the pain, yes?"

"Aha, yes."

"Well… it's kind of the same… when our feelings are hurt …"

"Our feelings can get hurt?" He asked truly confused, one of the rare moments in which his face showed an emotion.

"Yes, of course… I think that there are more possibilities of getting our feelings hurt than ph-physically." There was a long silence.

"I don't get it…"

"Ough… anyway. When our feelings are hurt we feel pain inside, it's not as strong as that one we feel when we hit ourselves or… bleed, but it's still there."

"So… you can also cry when you get hurt emotionally?"

"Yes," Fili answered smiling.

"So… someone punched your feelings or something?" He asked, still trying to understand. He just couldn't understand tears and so much emotion.

"Ohm… you could say it that way…" he said hiding a smile.

There was the silence again.

"I don't get it Fili…"

"Ohm… never mind Kili… it's alright," he said resting his arm over his brother's shoulder, both staring at the far away woods.

**Question: Who can guess what is going to make Kili laugh? (If I like your answer more that what I have I shall put it on the story!)**


End file.
